What Kind Of Mother Are You?

Jack played football this year.  It's the first activity he actually asked for on his own.  He's been loving it.  If I were the kind of mother that I am supposed to be.......there would be pictures to substantiate my claim.  Jack was terribly adorable.  Everytime he made a touch down he would hang his head and pretend it was nothing instead of chest bump and high five.

A few weeks ago The School of Awesomeness (Jack's co-op) had Red Ribbon Week.  Of course Officer Handsome was our guest speaker.  We tried the old....scare em straight strategy.  Only one child confessed to nightmares after, and one refused to participate completely.   The children were whisked off to the land of drug abuse by their fearless leader, where they learned the dangers of meth abuse through pictorial proof provided by a series of mug shots.  Meth makes you look old, dirty and you get lots of red sores!  The treachery of huffing, shown here....

And to really drive it home, the kids wore 'beer goggles', which skew your vision and trick your mind.  It illustrated how your reaction time and balance are changed with alcohol use.

Riley is continuing on with her piano.  She has also been crafting like mad with Duct Tape.  It's been pretty fun.

Mads is in the children's theater play of 'Thumbelina'.  She seems excited.  She's really loved school but finds it a little boring.....which she told her teacher.  The teacher then sent home loads of algebra for her to do HERE.

Max remains shaggy and handsome.  He has no need of preschool because he finds it useless.  He will never know his numbers or letters.  He will grow up to be a wrestler or football player with a small farm on the side and a lovely wife that will do all of his reading for him.

What I Learned On Easter........

I know I should be using Easter as a time to blog about the Resurrection and a moment of spiritual enlightenment.  I am kind of sad for myself that this post isn't going to be about that.  Later I will probably have some shame associated with the lost opportunity.

Easter morning, as the sun was rising and I was snuggled in my down comforter on my yummy bed.
 I tried to have a moment of reflection.  I was just getting started considering the massive implications of the Atonement when the kids scuttled in.  Mads and Max got on the bed and wedged between Officer Handsome and I.  Mads pulled out the old 'kitten' routine and started bunting and kissing us and saying, 'Happy Easter!' to everyone.  As she cuddled into the bend of my knees and Max patted my face, Mads (where do things like this come from AT times like these?) blurts.....'I know what Meth is!"  I have a moment where I truly consider that she has learned how to make meth.  It flashes through my brain that she heard about some meth bust on KSL, in which they invariably tell you the ingredients, and she is informing me that by taking battery acid, fertilizer, and comet she can start her own business.  "Um, what Mads?"  (Hear the worry?)  "The Devil's spit!!!"

I am flooded with relief.  When I ask her who the Devil is....considering all of the answers......she falls back on her 2008 presidential campaign propaganda and shouts, "Barack Obama is Satan!"

Day #14

Day #14 A picture of my family and I. 

Day #9

Day #9 Something I am proud of in the last few days.

Monday Mads had her little eyeball gouged out at tumbling. Poor nugget had a bad afternoon being rush from doctor to specialist.   I am proud that I held her that night while she fell asleep.
Jack became sick at school.  I drove rather swiftly to his rescue and found him near breaking in the school office.  I am proud that I could be home to take care of him when he needed me.
Riley has felt of late that she is old enough to ride her bike down the street to the park.  I am proud of myself for giving her a cell phone with instructions to run screaming if anyone looks at her......and then letting her ride her bike out of the driveway.......
Max has been tired and had a stuffy nosy, and even though I needed to clean the house for the appraiser and pack for Disneyland, I made him choccy moomie and snuggled on the couch.  Yep, I'm proud of that too.

Day #7

 

Day #7 A picture of someone or something that has had the biggest impact on you.

So what, I'm gonna break the rules.  I am naming at least 5.  This is my journal and this is how I want to journal it.

Ri is my first baby and that definitely impacted my life.  I will never be the same shallow person roaming the world without a point.  Having kids gave me much more focus, deeper understanding of life, and made me take the spiritual side of my life much less flippantly. Riley is my right hand.  She is a great sister and a good buddy for me. 

Jacks helped me understand boys better.  They need a lot more physical attention.  Jack was another limb on my body until he was about 4 years old.  Jack has a deeply sensitive side that I feel the urge to protect and yet I wish I could toughen him up so that he didn't feel so intensly.  I can see a lot of myself and my parents in Jack.  It's helped me to appreciate my mom and dad more.

Ah, my little piece of ham, my little Maddy Cat.  Before Miss M was born I had a blessing that said she would bring me so much joy.  Boy was that ever true.  She is funny, beautiful, and a screaming genius.  This kid has it all......except for the good eye sight.  I wish I could attribute all of the good parts of Mads to my fantastically honed mothering skills but this kid has taught herself everything; getting dressed, tying her shoes, riding a bike, putting on makeup, reading........this chicklet is the total package. 

I have never been more tired than when I look at this picture of Max.  Max is in constant motion.  He is his own law of physics.  He is sweet and sunny, mean and devious, and super funny.  He asks me all of the time if the cars he sees really transform.  Everytime I say that I don't think so and he answers in return that he does think so.  He's my little bitty baby.  The last of the greatest souls ever sent this way.

That's my guy:)  He's eating a Happy Meal shot.  That would be a complete Happy Meal blended together to make a tasty, vomit inducing treat.  He did it because I thought it would be funny and he likes to make me happy.  He spends a lot of time making me happy.  He impacts my life everyday.  He keeps me on the straight and narrow.  I would surely not be the person that I am (for good or bad) without his constant love and encouragement.  Frankly kids.......he's a stud.

Not pictured are my parents.  They have been fantasticly loving.  I think of how much patience my mom had when I was little and wonder why I didn't inherit any.  I see what an upstanding man my dad is and hope to ever be that smart and have that much integrity.  It has been the best thing in the world to see them as grandparents.  Watching them be happy because ALL of their awesome grandkids has really done my old heart good.

Last but not least, something I am pretty tight lipped about.  The thing that has impacted my life in a big way is my faith.  Ya, I actually have some.  Without the knowledge that I have of eternal concepts, I would be a quivering heap.  It helps center me to be able to see the big picture and know that everything and everyone I  love will go on.  I can mess up with every step I take and I'll still be okay.  I don't have to be perfect.  I can't be perfect.

Back to School

Stopping the new school year was like trying to stop a hurricane.  I tried my best but the wind and rain came and so did September:(

As you can see, Miss Mad is pretty happy.  This was not her real first day.  She only had testing for placement.  But she has been waiting nearly 6 years (no preschool even!) and going in for testing was good enough.  Mads ended up in the classroom next door to her bestie, which was a sad day.  She is usually excited and enjoying herself.  She went in reading so she has had a lot of reading homework.  On the days she hasn't had enough sleep she is kind enough to tell me I was right when I told her she would be better off being homeschooled.

My dear boy......go ahead and look again at his face.  Jack does not enjoy leaving home.  He would rather be here with Mama and Max, herding his cows on the ranches he creates all over the house and yard, complete with watering holes and cattle guards.  He is terribly bright and popular, and once he gets to school things go smoothly.  But making the break from home is heart breaking.  I think 3rd grade is going to be his year.  His personal goal is to go to school happy....ish, and without resistance.  If that happens, every month he can choose one day to stay home. 

Lovely Ri Ri.  Fifth grade.  I just gagged a little.  Riles is the one child that does not want to be homeschooled.  She has lots of friends, sets her own physical and educational goals, and loves sports at recess.  This year instead of joint ruining gymnastics, she is taking piano, basketball, and more baseball.

Max, Max, Max.  When people ask him if he is going to school this year he says, "No, I not big enough."  For better or worse he might be my last and I am indulging myself by keeping him home.  Since his birthday is close to the cut off, he will be going nearly a full year before his sisters did.  Then he's gone forever. 

I used to think that if you were an involved parent, public school was a viable option.  I am seriously beginning to rethink that.  But that's another story.

She's So Gluten Free........

Mads and I hangin'.  Ri went to a party and the boys are off hunting sheds.  Mads uber sparked my toes and she talked me into putting makeup on her.  Then we whipped out the goods for gluten free baking.  And of course, when you bake you must listen to club mixes cranked up nice n' loud 'Boom, Boom, Pow'! 

Why do I laugh????

I have all of the nuggies in the car the other day toodling off on some errand and I hear this conversation, which cracked me up.......

Jack:  Hey Mom, I thought I just saw Isaac down in that trailer court bouncing a basket ball with his hand.
Mads:  Me too.
Jack:  Maddy you don't even know who Isaac is.
Mads:  Yes I do!
Jack: Okay Maddy.......how many arms did he have?  (this is very significant because Isaac only has one arm, also if any normal person were asked this question, they would then ask themselves why this would be significant to Jack and probably change their standard two arm answer.....nope)
Mads:  TWO!
Jack:  Maddy you don't know anything!  He does not!  He only has one.
Mads:  That's what I meant Jack....he has one arm........on each side!

This has seriously cracked me up for days.....
*********
Today I was a guest speaker in Relief Society and miracle of miracles, I did not go up in flame.  Probably God is waiting for me to finish with my mistake making so the fireball  will be awe inspiring........not the point though.  I was comparing myself to Jack.....super sensitive, not a real people person, not willing to try when things look daunting, shy, and not very willing to be creative because that is risking too much.....One of my very favorite people in my ward came up after and said....."When you started comparing yourself to one of your kids, I thought it would be Maddy.  She is so out there, such a people person, so beautiful and self confident."  Sadly I laughed that she had been snookered by my wily ways.  All Maddy got from me was quick wit and the inability to pick up her dirty laundry.  Her sweet spirit and extrovert personality came straight from her dadda.

I Shake My Head........

Mads:  Mom sometimes I say I love you when I don't want to.
Me: What?! (my usual response to most things Maddy says.)
Mads: Well I love you, I just don't want to say it.
Me: Why not?
Mads: Because.  I just have to force myself.  I have to force myself by thinking in my head 'Do it. Do it.'
Me:  Why don't you want to tell me you love me if you do love me?
Mads:  Because I just don't want to.  Sometimes I don't want to say it in front of my friends.
    I thought that wasn't supposed to happen until later:( 
******************************
Mads:  Mom, I think I know what drama means.
Me: What Piglet?
Mads:  Poison.
(funny that she is sort of right...)

Mads and Santa

Mads spent the day with Superman when he helped with Spencer's Wishes.

She was able to ride in the Rhino with Santa and see the Jazz Bear.

Mads caught a blanket from the bear and was showered with Jazz confetti.

While Mads had Santa all to herself, she was able to talk his ear off.  When she was telling us about it, Ri said, "Madi can make friends anywhere."  Mads found out that there are in fact 9 reindeer because Rudolph is real.  She also wore Santa's magic glasses.........guess what she saw?  "I saw how much my dad loves me."  I asked her if I put them on what I would see.  She said, "You would see how much I love you."  What a baby doll.      Merry Christmas!

Maddy's 5th Birthday

Well, like anything else you don't want to happen.........it happened anyway.  Piglet turned 5 even when I threatened to ground her.  She wanted to have a princess tea party with a few of the neighborhood princesses. 

Mads had finger foods, cupcakes, and Sprite on her real tea set.

Su[per Max and Princess Madison pre party.

Snuggin' for pics.

The Princess and her court.......and all of her princess loot.

My personally favored gift that she received was the Hannah Montana hair glitter.  I can never thank that mother enough for the joy brought into our home with that fantastic gift.

You Crack Me Up

Jack and Mads are playing farm.  Jack has tied Mads up to a desk with a jump rope.  She is the old dying cow he has to put down.
Mads:  Mooooooo  Mah,     Moooo (writhing in old cow agony)
Jack:  MADDY........why are you covering your vitals?
Mom: Jack what are you doing to her?
Jack:  She's an old cow mom.  I have to put her down but she keeps covering her vitals and I can't get a good shot.

At lunch.....
Mads:  Jack do you know why they call oranges oranges?
Jack:  Why?
Mads:  Because they are oran and ges!

FAMILY PICTURES

Finally after much mental prodding and guilty head shaking on my part, I finally broke down and found outfits and booked a time for pictures.

I could go on posting the 200 pictures because I loved every one of them. Especially the weird ones with the kids looking nutty.

Becoming Madderella...

Superman found this great foundation that has a wonderful charity event every year. It is called the Princess Festival.
We decided that this summer we would try to take each nugget to do something special for just them. We surprised Mads with the Princess Festival. A princess updo for the budding Madderella.

Styling in her French princess dress and glittered hair.

Pink glitter nails!

High five me fellow princess Ariel!

Mid flight on Peter Pan's trampoline.

Running to the bell tolling for the Blue Fairy!!

Seriously......she looks just like Cinderella fleeing the ball. Oh my little dolly.

The princess brigade following Prince Charming and the Blue Fairy to rescue the princesses (Snow White, Rapunzel, Cinderella, Belle, and Sleeping Beauty) from the evil witch.

The castle where Belle is saved by turning beast into prince with hugs, Rapunzel is freed with a key and Cinderella is allowed to go to the ball after dealing with the wicked stepsisters.

On our way to find Sleeping Beauty.

Dancing with Prince Charming at the ball.

Mads had a 'ball'. It was well worth the entry fee which went to charity. Loved every minute of it.

The Servants.........?

Mama: Mads, who were you telling the other day that you needed to have gluten free pasta?

Mads: It must have been the servants. (Deadpan.....she totally means this.)

A Princess and a Pony

Jack's friend decided to bring her horse over so that he could go riding with her. In true Jack fashion, he declined once the horse arrived. Riley also would not mount the horse because she doesn't like to feel it's shoulders move (?). Max was excited until the horse whinnied, then he screamed like a girl and had to go in the house. We were only able to move by very small increments toward the horse after that. BUT Mads on the other hand, stepped right up and took her place as the rightful princess of the horse. She was ready in her Sleeping Beauty riding habit to make her neighborhood debut. She rode up and down the street as the horse whinnied and nickered. Unfazed by the noise or the parade of dogs, she trip tropped with her new fur lined crocs poking forward, as her legs are a hair short. Mads, you are a freaking riot girl! I love you.

Hazel

Some sweet Maddy mouth.........

We left church the other morning and the snow was really coming down. Mads looks up and says "It's hazeling!!" I think she meant a mix of snow and hail.......because the snow was little icy bits.
Then at dinner she was praying and she asked for her 'scarf ' to be blessed. That would be the owie on her foot that she thinks will scar and mar her beauty.
She also asked in her blessing on the food that we would be 'pretcted from drinking alcohol' because she has been obsessing over the song 'Whiskey Lullaby'. She doesn't want us to die from alcohol poisoning. I tried to tell her not to worry........but she does.
Yesterday as we were doing errands she was trying to speak Spanish....she gave up on French for now. I said 'goodbye family' in Spanish. It made her cry......neither of us are sure why. Then she tried to get rid of the tears running down her face so her dad wouldn't see, because sometimes tears make you embarrassed.
She is also in love with reading. She thinks I should time her like I do Ri and Jack. She has been reading 'Journey to the Center of the Earth'. So far she has made it into the volcano and taken one of the forks........they have found water and are still traveling. I'm not sure why she likes it, but she does...........don't worry, she is a genius but she hasn't read all of it alone. I read the hard words like 'journey and volcano' she reads things like 'the, and, to, am, can, is, it, me, be, I, a, you'. It is beginning to feel like we really are journeying to the center of the earth.......slow going.

Feminine Wiles

Tenderheart Maddy................she is as tender as Jack but not as sad. She cries just like a pregnant woman. Can she already be hormonal at this age? In the last few days she has cried over the fact that Gordon B. Hinkley is still dead, an Alison Kraus song, Jason didn't get Riley and Jack to school on time, and she felt angry vibes coming from me. Oh, she also cried when she watched my wedding video.
She also uses her feminine wiles to get Coppa to take her side. Madison is a sprite with the face of an angel and it gets my dad every time. She told him that she and I call Jason 'freakin' butt farm' when he is not around. So I am feeling totally shamed that anyone would think I call my beloved horrible names and so I say.........Madison tell Coppa if I really call Daddy that..........Well no, I just wanted a reason to say freakin' butt farm. She also told my mom that it was cold as hell outside, but we shouldn't say hell because it is a bad word.............she was then able to say hell twice with good excuse and look cute doing it.
She also informed me that she 'just really wants to get married!' She wants to move to Salt Lake or the middle of Provo and have a huge house with an upstairs that has lots of carpet. She wants 8 kids, all girls if possible (I find that to be a supreme wish, girls are still part of your family after they get married..........boys just wander off). Wait, wait, she just added one boy to be born right in the middle. Madison plans to be a nice mom.......not like me. She will never holler at them or freak out on them. Good gravy I am put to shame.
She has also already planned her wedding at the Manti temple. She will wear a white dress.........just like Becky's with a white sash because white is the best color and her dad will pay for the dress. She will have gluten free cake because there can be not gluten anywhere, there will also be vanilla ice cream and watermelon sorbet. Oh, this is righteous..........she also wants Chinese food because Chinese cook gluten free. She would also like a getting married movie so after a long time she can watch it. Son, who ever you are out there..........I hope you are preparing yourself this day for what lies ahead in your life with Madison. To afford the 9 kids (that equals eight weddings and the possibility of 24 proms) and gluten free food you will need to have an income the likes of Dr. Rey the plastic surgeon. She's sweet as sugar though and I guess she plans to be really nice so you'll get that in return.

The Ferrible Fours

Is it just me or is the 4th year the worst? Everyone of my sweet doe eyed love monkeys has turned into a flaming beast at the age of four. I never thought Mads would follow in their unholy footsteps, but it seems she will. The age of four has been worse than any other year for us. There was never the Terrible Two's or Three's, but four makes me want to bury my head in the sand. For the protection of those that have already passed through these years I will not divulge the atrocities committed.................or at least attach a name...........one of them tried to knife me, one of them beat holes in my doors, one of them bit holes in their blinds, there have been spasms akin to epileptic seizures, Christmas decorations used as weapons of mass destruction..............the list goes on...............and makes me tired.
So far Mads has only thrown some nasty fits and flung her shoes at my head while I was driving. I sense it could get worse. She is also becoming fearful of more things, I am sure thanks to her successors. Last night she kept telling me she was afraid of "The Colt". I couldn't figure out what the heck she meant. Considering she has never had a speech impediment I knew I wasn't misunderstanding the word. I was like.........uh, you mean your are afraid of a baby horse? NO NO, the guy that turns green, she screams. Ah, enlightenment, the Incredible Hulk. In her amped up state she combined the two words...........sort of. The Incredible Hulk rocks so enormously (He was my favorite super hero when I was little. I had my very own Hulk that I carried around like my baby and I watched him everyday on T.V. with my grandma.) that I tried desperately to get her to understand that the Hulk is sweet and kind and only mean to nasty, evildoers. She still has the unnatural fear of Pickle People, she has now added other mysterious beings. I've tried every kind and decent act of assuring her that she is safe only to be rewarded with having one of the nasty little imps I raised repay me by taking her into a dark room and whispering furtively in her well shaped ears.
This morning my beautiful doll like baby attempted to slam me in the back door because I wouldn't make her a sippy cup of chocolate milk.
I think it must be that as they come to this age (the saddest age...............when they are escaping babyhood and running headlong into childhood.........when your baby is gone and you are left with the shell of something you used to love......and that loved you too) that they struggle between wanting to be big but still being too little and then wanting to be a baby when they are far too big.
Who am I kidding, four rots and then it gets worse. I wish they were all two, except for Max.......he can be two months.

Pickle People

Pickle People..............I hate to tell you I don't know what they are. Madison does. Mads has never been afraid of anything in her life that I can even think of ***** until now. She came to me yesterday and she was shaking in fear. She said she was afraid of pickle people. She refused to go into her room alone and made me turn lights on even though the house was lit by sunshine. I hoped she would forget about the pickle people, but she didn't. I had a hard time not laughing even though she was clearly terrified. (I had such a hard time, that I actually did laugh uncontrollably. What a horrible mother.)
Bedtime came around and I for one had let the Pickle People slip my mind. She went to bed like she was supposed to but soon tore out of her room crying so hard it was unintelligible. Then I remembered.......The Pickle People. Daddy took her back to bed, along with his taser. He shot the taser all over the bedroom, under the bed, in the closet, even in her dresser drawers (apparently the Pickle People are about the size of squash and are easily concealed). All was going well, until Riley growled from her bed.........trying to be funny (evil little beast) and scared the willickers out of Mads. I guess tasers are nothing compared to the power of pickle. Needless to say I had a bed mate.

Madison tells me that she learned of Pickle People from a book........so much for the power of literacy. They sleep in the basement and when they wake up they say 'Boo' to scare you. I guess that could be scarey. She just saw the picture with this blog entry and confirmed that it does fit the profile of a Pickle Person. She said I should save it to show her dad so he knows what he is trying to taser next time.