Feminine Wiles

Tenderheart Maddy................she is as tender as Jack but not as sad. She cries just like a pregnant woman. Can she already be hormonal at this age? In the last few days she has cried over the fact that Gordon B. Hinkley is still dead, an Alison Kraus song, Jason didn't get Riley and Jack to school on time, and she felt angry vibes coming from me. Oh, she also cried when she watched my wedding video.
She also uses her feminine wiles to get Coppa to take her side. Madison is a sprite with the face of an angel and it gets my dad every time. She told him that she and I call Jason 'freakin' butt farm' when he is not around. So I am feeling totally shamed that anyone would think I call my beloved horrible names and so I say.........Madison tell Coppa if I really call Daddy that..........Well no, I just wanted a reason to say freakin' butt farm. She also told my mom that it was cold as hell outside, but we shouldn't say hell because it is a bad word.............she was then able to say hell twice with good excuse and look cute doing it.
She also informed me that she 'just really wants to get married!' She wants to move to Salt Lake or the middle of Provo and have a huge house with an upstairs that has lots of carpet. She wants 8 kids, all girls if possible (I find that to be a supreme wish, girls are still part of your family after they get married..........boys just wander off). Wait, wait, she just added one boy to be born right in the middle. Madison plans to be a nice mom.......not like me. She will never holler at them or freak out on them. Good gravy I am put to shame.
She has also already planned her wedding at the Manti temple. She will wear a white dress.........just like Becky's with a white sash because white is the best color and her dad will pay for the dress. She will have gluten free cake because there can be not gluten anywhere, there will also be vanilla ice cream and watermelon sorbet. Oh, this is righteous..........she also wants Chinese food because Chinese cook gluten free. She would also like a getting married movie so after a long time she can watch it. Son, who ever you are out there..........I hope you are preparing yourself this day for what lies ahead in your life with Madison. To afford the 9 kids (that equals eight weddings and the possibility of 24 proms) and gluten free food you will need to have an income the likes of Dr. Rey the plastic surgeon. She's sweet as sugar though and I guess she plans to be really nice so you'll get that in return.

Journey Through the Wilderness Comes to an End in the Promise Land

I know..........you are surprised to see that we have already put in grass and shrubs! But as we all know you should 'bloom where you are planted'. So we have tried.
Just kidding..........we don't have grass yet and I hate to admit but we actually do have an old tire in the front of our yard. At least it isn't on the roof.
All of our belongings are in our new house although we have days of unpacking ahead. I feel fairly accomplished though as I have 4 gallons of milk, dry cereal, I have slept in my bed which is completely made and I can find my underwear. To be honest that is about how I was living before.........except sometimes my bed wasn't made.
I am truly excited and grateful and I feel like I can finally breath again. Here's a shout out to everyone that helped! Thanks for all of the projects, helping us move, watching kids, bringing sustenance. I am in love with my kitchen and bathroom and I would marry them but it is illegal in many ways. I also can't get enough of my laudry room! It is a wicked awesom shade of teal. Ri wanted it for her bedroom but we did an 'experiment' in the laundry room. Our theory that the shade we chose was only for laundry rooms turned out to be scientifically proven. It is crisp and clean but not what I had imagined for the girls. It goes great with white appliances. Now lest I am caught doddering about and not unpacking.........I have to make myself useful.

Thanksgiving

The other night driving home by myself from Provo I turned off the radio (even though it was so hard to part with Dave Ramsey and his wicked hot money sense) and really pondered/prayed about what I am thankful for. I know this may come as a surprise to those of you who know me......that I am thankful for anything. I'm sure it shocks my immediate family. They think I am a thankless cantankerous old cow. Anyway, I came up with enough things to fill the hour and 10 minute drive.......except for the part that was filled up with a 911 call.......although I am thankful for 911.....so I guess I was still thankful during that part too. So just as proof that I do have a heart, here is my list.......abridged list..........be thankful you don't have to read for an hour and 10 minutes.

*Family .........great parents that still take care of me. A sweet and tireless husband that will do anything to make me happy even though he thinks he never can. Screeching, malicious, delightful loves of my life......Ri, Jack, Mads, Max. Brothers, sisters extended family and in-laws that love us like their own.
*Mulitple homes in which to shelter my sorry carcass.
*A free country. With people brave enough to defend us even when we don't appreciate it. I'm going to add police and firemen here along with the soldiers.
*God and His Son and a relgion that teaches me how to work toward being the kind of person I want to be.
*Modern convenience...........washing machines, dryers, DISH WASHERS!!!!, heat, electricity. I remember watching my grandma wash her clothes in huge wash basins, rinse them in other ones and then run them through a wringer and haul them outside in all of their sopping wet weight, to hang on the lines outside. I'm sure she was grateful for the wringer and washing indoors............but I am so glad I don't have to spend my days that way.
*Books.........what else do I have to say?
*Friends
*Epidurals....I guess this could fall under modern convenience.........or maybe medical science, either way epidurals are where it's at. Maybe I'll buy stock just to be supportive..........
*Gluten Free food, despite the wreckless and extreme pricing I am glad there are companies out there making these things. If it were up to me and my stash of xanthan gum Madison would be eating grilled chicken and broccoli for the rest of her life.
*Health, mine and my family's.
*Chinese food.......thank you Chinese Nation for making the world a happier place one buffet at a time.
*Down............geese are terrifying creatures when animated but pluck them and stuff that sweet feathery goodness into a nice tight knit cotton/poly blend and I think Heaven is at hand.
*Nap time, yes, I must adjorn for now because Max says it is time for a kiss and a cuddle and freedom from coherence. A kiss and a cuddle is what makes life worth living.

To Go Private.......Or Not To Go Private.....This Is My Question?

I have pondered of late..........should I go private? I have enjoyed being found by people I haven't heard from in years............and I do LOVE to blog stalk. (Be assured I am harmless. I just like to see what is going on in other parts of the world.) But I am getting a little skittish lately. There are some things weighing on my mind, that I won't share here, but I was wondering the reasons those of you that have gone private decided to do so and the reason that some of you are staying public (ish).
Mostly this blog is my family journal and scrapbook so I guess going private isn't a bad idea because I don 't want to cut out all of my pictures and stop using my kids' names.
Let me know what you think. When I decide what to do I'll get all of your e-mails so you will be allowed into our little haven.

The Ferrible Fours

Is it just me or is the 4th year the worst? Everyone of my sweet doe eyed love monkeys has turned into a flaming beast at the age of four. I never thought Mads would follow in their unholy footsteps, but it seems she will. The age of four has been worse than any other year for us. There was never the Terrible Two's or Three's, but four makes me want to bury my head in the sand. For the protection of those that have already passed through these years I will not divulge the atrocities committed.................or at least attach a name...........one of them tried to knife me, one of them beat holes in my doors, one of them bit holes in their blinds, there have been spasms akin to epileptic seizures, Christmas decorations used as weapons of mass destruction..............the list goes on...............and makes me tired.
So far Mads has only thrown some nasty fits and flung her shoes at my head while I was driving. I sense it could get worse. She is also becoming fearful of more things, I am sure thanks to her successors. Last night she kept telling me she was afraid of "The Colt". I couldn't figure out what the heck she meant. Considering she has never had a speech impediment I knew I wasn't misunderstanding the word. I was like.........uh, you mean your are afraid of a baby horse? NO NO, the guy that turns green, she screams. Ah, enlightenment, the Incredible Hulk. In her amped up state she combined the two words...........sort of. The Incredible Hulk rocks so enormously (He was my favorite super hero when I was little. I had my very own Hulk that I carried around like my baby and I watched him everyday on T.V. with my grandma.) that I tried desperately to get her to understand that the Hulk is sweet and kind and only mean to nasty, evildoers. She still has the unnatural fear of Pickle People, she has now added other mysterious beings. I've tried every kind and decent act of assuring her that she is safe only to be rewarded with having one of the nasty little imps I raised repay me by taking her into a dark room and whispering furtively in her well shaped ears.
This morning my beautiful doll like baby attempted to slam me in the back door because I wouldn't make her a sippy cup of chocolate milk.
I think it must be that as they come to this age (the saddest age...............when they are escaping babyhood and running headlong into childhood.........when your baby is gone and you are left with the shell of something you used to love......and that loved you too) that they struggle between wanting to be big but still being too little and then wanting to be a baby when they are far too big.
Who am I kidding, four rots and then it gets worse. I wish they were all two, except for Max.......he can be two months.

The Year of a Million Dreams....................

Like Madison said, "Dreams really do come true." Yeah, lots of times they do, except for the one I had of Good still overcoming Evil in the last election. We were able to bury our heads in the sand for the whole day, until our return to the hotel room. Like true patriots we had taken the liberty of voting in the early poles. It seems that the U.S. population has changed like a gradual current and finally embraced socialism. Luckily we had our last hurrah..................I hope we can ever afford to do it again.
So with out further ado...............................
Breathless from our triumphant return from Dinsneyland.................the pictures you've all been waiting for. Max on his favorite ride of all time, because it had horses. He wouldn't let anyone touch him while he rode the horse and he shrieked and clawed when it was time to dismount.

Madison's birthday present, lunch with the princesses. She told Cinderella that she was Cinderella too. Cinderella was very gracious and said, "Oh, you go by that too?"

Mickey Mouse in his mouse house.

Mickey's fire engine.

Pooh Bear and his honey pots. Max loved Pooh. It was only one of the characters he liked close up. I'm not sure why it was Pooh that he liked............he doesn't watch TV so he doesn't know any of them. Also, we had to use a stand in for Jack, he doesn't like photo opportunities. We had to use Nate instead. Thanks Nate!

Final statistics:

Awesome days spent away from hum drum life....7

Thrills......................................................................... countless

Woobies lost to the sprall of Disneyland................2

Sunglasses lost to the pirates..................................1
Days of lukewarm showers.....................................6

Dead bodies................................................................1

Wrong turn.................................................................1
Vomit...........................................................................2

Can't wait to do it again!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Riles is the bloody pirate, Jack is Dr. Zombie, Max is a stunt driver, Mads is Mulan, and I am Mulan's mom. My lips make me look about 84 years old, all pinched and little, but it is my poor attempt at geisha makeup.