Diarrhea Day.....or Do Diapers Expire?

As I searched for diaper pictures to accent my piece on diarrhea........I found some interesting and thought provoking information. You can buy used diapers, gay diapers, adult diapers, astronaut diapers and thong diapers. I'm not sure right now which one of those is worse.......although the sight of gay diapers is now burned into my retina. Take care when you Google.

Max, Mads, and I went on our 'girl date' at the famous and beloved Chinese Buffet. I spend my time stuffing down rice noodles and trying to stop Mads from retelling the complete story of 'Bolt' to the whole table. Max seems distracted. He isn't interested in his dear friend Lii (our Chinese waiter and Max's Godfather). He doesn't want to high five or help Lii sweep.....he only eats one ice cream cone from the bottom up.....usually consuming at least two. His sweet little pork lips take nary a sip of Coke. Finally I pick him up and stand next to the table so that I can do the 'mommy sway' and talk. Hmmm I think Max has a wet rump. Oh yeah.......and it isn't the ice cream that fell out of the bottom of the cone! Shee oot. Max and I leave Mads on her third retelling of 'Bolt'.....sorry girls.

The wind is howling and nearly rips the hair from my head. I force open the sport van door and hold it open with my substantial body mass as the wind tries to nip my legs off by slamming it shut. I pull off the sweet micro Nikes and the socks.....which have chunks on them. The diarrhea has run down the leg to the sock. The consistency and color are that of melted peanut butter with raisins, the smell toxic, the pH level......1. Pure evil. I dig through the diaper bag and come up with a hand full of coupons and some Orbit......too bad it's not my dirty mouth that is the problem right now. The wipes do the trick and de-gunk the rump but there is no diaper to be found.

Aaaaaah, but my photographic memory remembers that I hid a diaper among the hordes of books we keep behind the seats......just for such an occasion. There it is in all of his shrunken, misshapen glory. I think it is about a size two and just from eyeing it......about 6 years old. The silicon beads inside have begun to clump at the back. Max takes it like a man but looks like he's wearing a thong. Do diapers expire? The thought crosses my mind that I should stash some for Armagedon. I wrap him up in a blanket in order to help him save face.

Today is just as bad. The peanut butter has turned to assid.....liquid diarrhea. Max has taken to using the potty......which would be a plus if it weren't so sad. We need our own personal HazMat team. We've spent the day watching the Jack-in-the-box pop up, sleeping through Bolt, and Max putting my hands where ever he wants me to rub........usually his face. I hate to have a sick baby, but I love it when they want to cuddle.