A Princess and a Pony

Jack's friend decided to bring her horse over so that he could go riding with her. In true Jack fashion, he declined once the horse arrived. Riley also would not mount the horse because she doesn't like to feel it's shoulders move (?). Max was excited until the horse whinnied, then he screamed like a girl and had to go in the house. We were only able to move by very small increments toward the horse after that. BUT Mads on the other hand, stepped right up and took her place as the rightful princess of the horse. She was ready in her Sleeping Beauty riding habit to make her neighborhood debut. She rode up and down the street as the horse whinnied and nickered. Unfazed by the noise or the parade of dogs, she trip tropped with her new fur lined crocs poking forward, as her legs are a hair short. Mads, you are a freaking riot girl! I love you.

How Could I Have Been Surprised?

I really try not to publicize my opinions on this blog. I try to protect myself from conspiracy, weapon removal, person of interest, or a dirty background should I a) adopt or b) run for political office. But this time I can't contain myself.

There I was...........sitting in a hotel room glued to the flat screen. Since our recent T.V. diet, consisting of ......no T.V.......once we were in front of one, we couldn't pull ourselves away. We were watching House Hunters, waiting for Max to finally plunge sleepward. I love House Hunters, and it was pretty late at night so I didn't have a big selection. Having already had a heavy dose of The Soup, I was sated and just staring ahead. Now commercial wise I know there is some garbage out there when you hit late night viewing. But considering that I was only watching HGTV, not something baseless and nasty like CNN, E, or the Comedy channel, where I know they are corrupt and lacking moral judgement.......I felt safe.

I won't give the name of the heap of dung I saw......free advertising passed out among my staunch million readers.....just wouldn't be right. I'm pondering the age old question whether the family on T.V. should go for the farm house with lots of land and large house that needs updating or the move in ready at the top of their budget. I vote for the move in ready. The melamine kitchen in the farmhouse it going to cost a pretty penny to replace. Time to cut to a commercial. HGTV really knows how to leave you hanging. No wonder I am an addict. The commercial has a couple at dinner. He is ignoring her, texting, not talking, being boring and self centered. I'm thinking that this is a blind date. Then the guy gets up to leave and we find out that the couple is married. The words to the website you are supposed to look at comes up and there is a wedding ring rolling around in the words. Then I think maybe it was a really bad jewelry commercial.....like he should make up to her that he is a dolt, with a nice piece of bling. Superman and I look at each other and wonder what we just saw. So Superman with his many talents, whips out the laptop. Soon he is laughing. I still think it was a really cruddy jewelry commercial. Nope. It was a commercial for adultery. If you are stuck in a marriage and divorce isn't an option, you can still find your soul mate to cheat with. Just tap your keypad, put in your criteria and if you don't have a hot fling to your satisfaction......money back.

There are so many things I could say...........but I will just leave it at that.

Save yourself........RUN!

If you are anything like me, I suspect even if you don't want to be ..........you are, you have played out little scenarios in your head. What if we were carjacked.......what would I do? What if there were a fire, tornado, earthquake, hazardous waste spill.......what would I do? When I say what would I do, as a mother, I mean what would I do to protect the love nuggets. And yes I have thought of these things, so I felt fairly prepared in my head.

Yesterday my capability and devotion were truly put to the test.......and I may have failed. I'm not sure if was the age of the battery, the fact that I was holding a 'Presidency Meeting' in the parking lot while Madison touched every button and light, or the fact that as I waited for Ri and Jack in the school parking lot....I turned off the car and left the radio on so that Mads could sing to Alison Krause and work up a good cry. Either way, the battery was confirmed dead when I tried to leave school.

Jason was home, but he was working so hard I didn't want to interupt. I know how to jump the battery, I just had to find a willing participant. I called one of my best friends thinking she would still be in the same parkinglot that I was. She hurried over. Strangely her battery was under her back seat. We get all set up. We hook up the cables properly. I stretch the cables over to her car and find that I am just a hair short. So, not wanting to have live wires dangling we unhook and find her cables, which are longer. This time we hook up feeling like old pros! I get in her back seat and put on one pincer. Sparks! Flame! Combustion! I question the validity of this........I'm sure that shouldn't happen. Do I stop? NO! I put the other pincer on......more sparks. I back out of the car and stand next to mine. We see smoke coming from the batteries. My friend and I book it away from the car and scream for the only male within hearing distance to save us. We do not take the cables off. We do not remove the children from the car which is smoking. We flap our hands and squeal.

The 'Man' comes over. The cables are hot. There is still smoke. He takes the cables off of the batteries. Even the lines are hot. He throws them to the ground. We find out that both of our batteries are now dead.

Finally the 'Man' fixes everything while we try to make excuses for our little mistake. As the smoke clears we realize that we left the children in a car that we could have blown up. I have no shame in attaching the cables to the wrong charges.....whatever....I do have intense shame over leaving the kids sitting there staring out of the windshield while I flap my hands and remove MYSELF from harm. I know.......maybe there was no threat of them blowing sky high.....but still, I always thought I would save them first.

The Riz.......

Rizzo was in the school talent show. She was adorable and awesome. She and her friend Cade danced to some 50's rock. There is great video........which I can't figure out how to convert to something this computer wants to read.

Shake it!

My Riz.......

Diarrhea Day.....or Do Diapers Expire?

As I searched for diaper pictures to accent my piece on diarrhea........I found some interesting and thought provoking information. You can buy used diapers, gay diapers, adult diapers, astronaut diapers and thong diapers. I'm not sure right now which one of those is worse.......although the sight of gay diapers is now burned into my retina. Take care when you Google.

Max, Mads, and I went on our 'girl date' at the famous and beloved Chinese Buffet. I spend my time stuffing down rice noodles and trying to stop Mads from retelling the complete story of 'Bolt' to the whole table. Max seems distracted. He isn't interested in his dear friend Lii (our Chinese waiter and Max's Godfather). He doesn't want to high five or help Lii sweep.....he only eats one ice cream cone from the bottom up.....usually consuming at least two. His sweet little pork lips take nary a sip of Coke. Finally I pick him up and stand next to the table so that I can do the 'mommy sway' and talk. Hmmm I think Max has a wet rump. Oh yeah.......and it isn't the ice cream that fell out of the bottom of the cone! Shee oot. Max and I leave Mads on her third retelling of 'Bolt'.....sorry girls.

The wind is howling and nearly rips the hair from my head. I force open the sport van door and hold it open with my substantial body mass as the wind tries to nip my legs off by slamming it shut. I pull off the sweet micro Nikes and the socks.....which have chunks on them. The diarrhea has run down the leg to the sock. The consistency and color are that of melted peanut butter with raisins, the smell toxic, the pH level......1. Pure evil. I dig through the diaper bag and come up with a hand full of coupons and some Orbit......too bad it's not my dirty mouth that is the problem right now. The wipes do the trick and de-gunk the rump but there is no diaper to be found.

Aaaaaah, but my photographic memory remembers that I hid a diaper among the hordes of books we keep behind the seats......just for such an occasion. There it is in all of his shrunken, misshapen glory. I think it is about a size two and just from eyeing it......about 6 years old. The silicon beads inside have begun to clump at the back. Max takes it like a man but looks like he's wearing a thong. Do diapers expire? The thought crosses my mind that I should stash some for Armagedon. I wrap him up in a blanket in order to help him save face.

Today is just as bad. The peanut butter has turned to assid.....liquid diarrhea. Max has taken to using the potty......which would be a plus if it weren't so sad. We need our own personal HazMat team. We've spent the day watching the Jack-in-the-box pop up, sleeping through Bolt, and Max putting my hands where ever he wants me to rub........usually his face. I hate to have a sick baby, but I love it when they want to cuddle.

Max's Hair.......

Even though it is against my nature to have lots of hair on my boys.........I have let Max's hair grow and grow and grow. He did have that hot Mannly Wilder look. He totally rocked it. Then I couldn't take his hair in his eyes or the ragged back that looked like mutilated Barbie hair. I took matters into my own hands.........yes, I tried to give him a trim.

His dad said that he looks like a bowling Amish boy. I hope not.......but some of the curl did get clipped off.......oops. I would hate to have to shave his head.

Daycation!

Wednesday we decided to surprise the kids with a day off of school. We had an adventure instead of busy work. Everyone loved it. I am convinced we should do it every week. We couldn't travel as far as we wanted because we are being held hostage by Little League. Our first stop was the Swinging Bridge in Buckhorn Wash. The sights all of the way were gorgeous.
Dad and Mad

Captain Morgan and her tipsy crew

Peek a boo Dad

Demons and..........

Angels pictographs

Little Grand Canyon

Time to ponder 4 long years of life.

Originally we planned to go to the Arches....where we have been trying to go for 8 years, but something always comes up. We found out that we might like this place better and can't wait to go back.