Sticky Fingers or.......A Superglue Tragedy

Here's the lowdown on the unfortunate events...................As I was dutifully making lunch for Mads and Max, I was sidetracked (how unusual) by fate. I saw two little pieces of Mads tea set that had broken handles. They had been lying on the counter waiting, waiting, waiting for my attention. So right in the middle of cutting mozarella, I stopped to seek out a tube of Superglue. I couldn't find one that was already open (huh, I wonder why???) so I found a brand spankin' new tube. It was in the laundry room, pantry, craft room, which tends to be the warmest room in the house. So there I stood with a warm, bloated tube of Superglue...............should I have stopped? Did I hear a wee whisper tell me to be Super careful? No, I'm not that kind of person. I don't recieve many whispers. Therefore, I puncture that fat little tube, and wouldn't you know it was just bursting to be punctured. Nearly the whole contents of the tube blurted forth and ran down my left hand. My hand, fully encased, quickly became immobile and rigid. I dropped the tube and it COVERED the countertop. Just like blood, a little tiny amount of Superglue sure looks like a heck of a lot. I'm nearly sure there was at least 1/2 a cup. Like a dolt I wipe it up with paper napkins. They are now permanently modge podged to the counter. So pretty. Then in an even bigger brainless act which I attribute to the dangerous fumes..............I pick up the tube. In the flit of a fairy wing.........I am reduced to a lobster. My fingers melded together and also stuck right to the nifty little tube. Good times, good, good times. Sorry about the blurry picture, I was using one hand, high on acetone and the baby was screaming from neglect and pulling my pants down to my knees. These are my fingers and the infamous tube, along with acetone soaked cotton balls. I have literally lost IQ points from the hour and a half of SERIOUS fume huffing.

Although it looks like I used wart remover to freeze the skin off of my hand..........it is a gallon of Superglue.

So tragic! So I run for the acetone and begin slaving away trying to pry my delicate lady skin off of its self and the tube. I finally can take no more agitation or the wretched screaming of neglected infants and call for the white knight. So, so strange..........assuming I may get an emergency response from an emergency responder I know help is on its way. I will no longer suffer alone, with only weeping children for comfort. Obviously the glue and acetone had already burned my 150 IQ down to a whopping 145. It took my love, my sweet sweet man, my prince, my helpmeet............an hour to come home. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Max chewed open all of the old tampons that haven't been seen or heard of for two years. Madison glories in the fact that I can't stop her from doing whatever she wants and dresses like the Sugar Plum Fairy to dance angelicly by, peppering me with questions about my 'accident'. As I near sweet freedom.......my fingers are seperate from eachother and I have only one left stuck to the tube.....what should appear, but Santa and 8 tiny reindeer...........not really. That devilish little tube is still leaking and as I use my fingers for leverage to get that last bit of attatched skin to rip off.................................I reglue myself to the tube. A good day only gettin' better. I start all over poisoning myself with the acetone fumes and pull, pull, picking at the glue and skin. No joke, no joke at all I tell you, the very moment I finally get the friggin tube off of my hand and my fingers apart............in walks Trooper Marshall. At that point my pants have been pulled down to my ankles from the hysteric baby (he missed lunch, and nap and hasn't been held for an hour and a half). The unconsolable soul is hanging on to the bottom of my pioneer panties, chewing a tampon and slobbering like there's no tomorrow. Mads has pranced and danced her pretty self around the house pulling out a library of children's books, toys, laundry and using the phone to chit chat while I can't take it away from her. Moral of the story..........Superglue is a satanic device.